Why do I need Melancholia?

As an expat living in another country I am sometimes drifting to my older memories. Thinking about my old home. My country. My city. Certain time of the year, smell, picture or word can easily get me going in that direction. This time it was a song that I particularly like which I somehow heard in my head while falling asleep. Sikter - Tonight Is Forever, from their album Now, Always, Never.

© Sikter - Tonight Is Forever (Album: Now, Always, Never, November 2000)

It brings back memories of dark, foggy streets of my hometown Sarajevo during the winter. Special time of the year when smog and fog are everywhere. Trying to creep under your scarf when you are going out of your house. Blinding you completely early in the morning.

Making you wonder how is it possible to breathe such poisinous air without getting serioisly ill. And forcing you into a loving relationship with your apartment and your favorite book. It is perhaps hard to understand, but I love it. Smoggy scent of my city falling into the darkness of winter. Priceless.

In my case melancholy is coming from a melody and memory of a unique moment. It is certainly not related only to an individual memory, but a strong feeling of connection to something greater. We are who we are because we belonged, or we still belong somewhere at least unconsciously. Melancholy is therefore a unique sense of belonging to a place and time which never actually existed. It doesn't have a time and space dimension. In its roots it is the deepest mystery of an individual which needs to be discovered. It contains a gem - a gold if you wish - in an alchemical way. Going deep inside, down the stairs of inner self and reaching a source of individual consciousness and limits of known life, we meet with our origins. The threshold of our existence. Also it can be a source of our inspiration. An urge to get out of our everyday routine to do something new. Something important. Do something we didn’t do yesterday, or never. Like in a video of ‘Sikter’, it is indeed ..’’now, always or never..ever..’’

This mystery is beautiful as it brings us down completely to a point where we don't exist anymore and nothing is important. But when we come back we feel like new. And everything makes sense. And everything is important.